Crows Foot Manor
 

 

CROWS FOOT MANOR VETERANS’ GOLF SECTION: WEEKLY MATCH REPORT

Date: Tuesday, 30th January 2026

 

Conditions: biting wind, damp underfoot, and a fog that Arthur (88) claimed was "perfect for hiding a slice."

The weekly outing of the "Old Guard" saw a spirited battle between the Senior Sloggers and the Back-Nine Survivors. In a display of golf that can only be described as "eventful," the match was decided not by the quality of the putting but by the reliability of various knee supports.

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Highlights of the Day:

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The Laurel Incident (Hole 3): Gary (64) managed to locate his ball in the depths of the 3rd hole shrubbery. However, in the process of retrieval, he discovered three Titleists, a rusted 7-iron from the late nineties, and a confused squirrel. He eventually took a "unplayable lie", citing "moral grounds."

• The Mountaineering Award (Hole 7): Special mention goes to Arthur, who reached the summit of the 7th fairway without the use of a sherpa or an auxiliary oxygen tank. He celebrated by hitting a 3-wood that travelled forty yards horizontally and twenty yards vertically.

• The Shot of the Century (Hole 18): Coming up the final hill toward the Manor, Arthur found himself behind a parked maintenance buggy. Eschewing the safe play, he thinned a 9-iron that clattered off the buggy’s wheel, skipped across the path, and came to rest three inches from the cup. "Calculated," Arthur claimed. "Fluke," Gary whimpered.​

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Final Standings:

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The match ended in a Strategic Draw, largely because nobody could find the pencil for the 15th hole, and the group's collective memory failed at the 17th.

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Post-Match Post-Mortem:

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In the 19th hole, the "Ailment of the Week" trophy was awarded to Gary for a particularly vocal hamstring twinge on the 11th. Meanwhile, Arthur remains the reigning champion of "Most Creative Use of a Foot-Wedge."

Next Week: We go again, weather and prescriptions permitting.

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